You have always been there for me.
And that’s another fact I should be grateful of.
You were there when I got scolded by my mom,
And allowed me to feel that I was never loved by anyone.
Allowed me to keep grudges until they grew into mountains and made me burst into tears,
Tears, fears — it scared the hell out of me that if you leave, I will be alone.
I didn’t push you away,
Instead, I kept you underneath my wings so that wherever I go,
I could take you.
You were there too when I first broke my leg,
The one who offered me a bag of ice with the coldest stare I would not even wanna remember.
The one who helped me get off that pit and lingered long until I reached home.
I didn’t pushed you away because somehow I’ve got my friend.
I didn’t saw you for quite some time,
But last year, you were there — sitting timidly, observing me and my family shedding all the waters in our eyes before a loved ones death.
A pat in my head, or in my shoulders would make me strong enough,
But you just smiled at me, that was first time, making my knees wobble into my own miseries.
You were happy I am sad.
That, I didn’t understand.
I started to regret that I looked for you.
I’ve moved on when you were nowhere to be seen,
I’ve got the pieces of me back into shape.
Maybe keeping you underneath my bed helped.
You didn’t show yourself to me anymore.
I know it’s insane, but I somehow missed you.
The next day, I was made to crush with the universe.
You pull me up from that stumble.
And when I get to see you closely,
Before my eyes, I saw my boyfriend cheating on me.
If missing you is considered cheating, then it was my fault!
But the pain is truly devastating.
And you kept on saying, it was my fault.
I didn’t push you away but I never told you to stay.
You never left like we were best friends.
We never smile or laugh at each others’ jokes though.
You would only join me cry and sleep with swollen eyes.
I didn’t choose you but you’d always choose me.
But today, I am breaking up with you.
It’s not that ‘us’ have existed really, and I’d bet my tears on that one,
But whatever this ‘thing’ that we have,
I’m calling it off now.
I am tired of crying.
I am tired of this game.
I am tired of keeping you.
Please, don’t make me a priority.
I don’t deserve this.
I’m breaking up with you sadness.