Lessons

I’ve learned my lessons from that break-up;
On how doors were easily shut behind, alongside with the inability to hear explanations.
On how galumphs were louder all of a sudden than our heartbeats.
On how tears poured and gone to waste just like those promises.
On no amount of comfort words and foods could ease the pain in the chest triggering anxiety and panic attacks.
On waking up feeling the ugliest and questioning one’s worth in front of a mirror.
On building walls that none could penetrate until finally boxed.
On how pushing away people became one effective way of dealing with insecurities.
On how, most of all, affection and time were never enough and easily quantified making them worthless.

But you know what frightened me most?— It’s waking up on the thought that if I go back to that day when I met him or even before that, I know all of these will not matter at all.

Yes, I’ve learned my lessons from that break-up but I’m afraid that these lessons would never be enough not to choose him again.

—bsb: lessons

Artwork: Martha Bevacqua